How I Found Recovery! Part 12

I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 14 YEARS, 11 MONTHS, and 25 DAYS!
A TOTAL OF 5474 DAYS!

The days, weeks and months seemed to be flying by. Another year had past. Tom was gone all day and part of the night and Kyra and I did our thing. Kyra was getting ready to start pre-school. I wasn't sure I was ready to let go but I knew it would be the best thing for her. The first day of pre-school when Tom and I dropped her off she was so excited... most of the little tots were crying but Kyra acted like she couldn't wait for us to leave, I was so sad, as tears were rolling down my face. It was the first time that I had some free time during the day to do whatever. I went home and sat on the couch watching the clock waiting to go pick her up... go figure.... After a few months of going to pre-school when I went to pick her up one day the teacher said to me can I talk to you, I thought oh no what did my kid do, The teacher then asks me if by chance me and my husband are in recovery, well I could feel my face getting red and my answer probably came out with my voice shaking and said yes, why would you ask. She proceeded to tell me that a police officer had come in to talk to the kids about drugs, and for a minute I thought these kids are 3 and 4 years old why would you be speaking to them about drugs but anyway, she said that Kyra raised her hand and told the police officer that her mom and dad are drug addicts. Guessing that the police officer became curious he asked her if she is around drugs, Kyra said no, we go to meetings and my mom and dad don't do that stuff anymore because it's bad. Wow my own daughter broke our anonymity! The police officer called me later that day and told me about the conversation he had with Kyra and proceeded to tell me that he had never met a 3 year old who knew so much. I wasn't sure at that point whether it was a good thing or a bad thing. I can only hope that it's a good thing and that someday when she's old enough to make her own choices that she will remember the things she has heard shared at a meeting and be able to say no.... Time will tell! However I hired a babysitter to sit with her when I went to meetings because she was just this little sponge that remembered everything shared at a meeting. I felt she knew too much at this point and she needed to be just a little kid. Well she made it through 4 months of pre-school until one day when I went to pick her up the teacher asked me again if she could talk to me, once again I though oh no, now what. The teacher proceeded to tell me she feels I'm wasting my money by sending Kyra to pre-school there really wasn't anything they could teach her and she was way to young to move her up to the next level. She said Kyra got mad at the kids who colored outside the lines, she could count well over 100 and she knew her ABC's and that's pretty much what they do for the whole year. I thought to myself is this a way of telling me that my daughter is a pain in the ass! That was her last day of pre-school.

Again my clean date was fast approaching, I couldn't believe it. Wow another year, another celebration. It was shortly after celebrating 6 years that I got pregnant again. I had complications pretty much right from the beginning. The doctor once again put me on progesterone and told me I should get as much rest as possible. I thought this isn't going to be as easy as when I was pregnant with Kyra, because now I had to take care of her. As the months went by I began to feel better. I was asked to speak at an NA convention in Lancaster, Pa in Feb. After talking with my doctor he said it was okay to go as long as I didn't do any heavy lifting. I had attended this convention twice before and it was such an awesome weekend that I felt honored to be asked to share my experience with other recovering addicts. Also Bob who was our best man and Tom's sponsor was also speaking that weekend, he was such a great speaker, and since we really only saw him on holidays because he was getting his masters degree in North Carolina we decided to spend the whole weekend there. My girlfriend Bev and her husband were also going and we decided that we would take the kids, she had a daughter that was 2 years older than Kyra so they could play with each other. Friday night after hearing Bob speak I was feeling somewhat tired and decided that I would call it a night since I was speaking at 10:00am on Sat morning. I got up the next morning feeling good, but I was somewhat nervous about speaking, so after having breakfast with my sponsor who made calmed me down, I knew that I was ready. I spoke for 1 hour and when I was finished this girl who was only 18 years came up to me and told me she had only 2 weeks clean and she asked me to sponsor her. It was a good feeling to know that I at least touched one person's life today.

The night brought us to the big meeting of the weekend. A guy by the name of Big Bob was going to be the main speaker. Big Bob was Tom's sponsor Bob's sponsor so it kind of was all in the family as far as sponsorship goes. During the meeting I was feeling very uncomfortable and feeling a lot of pressure in my stomach. After Big Bob was finished I went to the bathroom and again I saw something that no pregnant woman wants to see. After I told Tom we called my doctor and he wanted me to go right to the hospital. When I arrived at the hospital a mid-wife came him to check me along with a nurse and they told me I was 4 centimeters dilated. I said no it can't be I'm only 6 months pregnant. They were very straight forward almost to the point of rudeness. I asked them if they could give me something to stop the labor and the nurse said no your having this baby tonight. I said no I'm not, and I looked at Tom and he agreed with me, not sure if it was by choice or because he knew I was getting ready to walk out of the hospital. I asked them to once again give me something to stop the labor and finally they did. I then discharged myself from the hospital. We get back to the hotel and I call my doctor and told him what they had told me and he told me he wanted me to get to our hospital in Scranton because it had a neonatial unit, as soon as possible but that he didn't want me to travel at night. He told me he would call the hospital in Lancaster and tell them I'll be there in the morning to give me another shot to stop the labor so that I could get home. When I arrived at the hospital the next morning the doctor checked me out and by this time I was 5 centimeters dilated and thought I should let him deliver the baby. He told me there was no chance for the baby to live, I told him I appreciate his kind words but just give me the shot so that I could go home to my doctor.

To be continued............