How I Found Recovery! Part 11

I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 14 YEARS, 11 MONTHS, and 22 DAYS!
A TOTAL OF 5471 DAYS!

I was very fortunate that I was able to stay at home and be a "Domestic Engineer" and it was something that I enjoyed very much. Before I knew it a year had passed and I was pregnant again. At this point I had 4 years clean and I was involved in the service end of recover, which means that I went into rehabs and shared my experience, strength and hope. I felt I needed to give back what was so freely given to me. During the first 4 months of my pregnancy I was feeling great until one day I was doubled over in pain. So off to the emergency room I go only to find out that I was having a miscarriage. Although a lot of people said to me you can't miss what you don't have there was still this life that was growing inside me and the feeling of emptiness was so strong inside me that I wanted to take something to make the pain that I was feeling go away. I knew oh so very well how to self medicate myself and feel nothing but the difference between 4 years ago to this time is that I knew there were other ways to deal with my feelings. I also knew that I wasn't willing to sacrifice my recovery and that I needed to deal with it. Not only that I had my daughter to think about, I couldn't do that to her. So with the help of my sponsor and my friends in recovery I got through all the feelings of emptiness. At one point I had to tell them to go home, someone was with me at all times. I know an addict alone is in bad company but I knew that I would be okay if I worked the steps of recovery.

Watching my daughter grow into this little person who had a personality of her own was somewhat amazing to me. I enrolled her in a ballet class for tots. I can remember her first recital, it brought tears to my eyes seeing her on stage for the first time. Yes I'm such a proud mom.

Tom's job was moved to New Hope, Pa. He traveled back and forth everyday, which was a two hour ride to work and a two hour ride home from work. Kyra and I filled our days with reading, watching Barney and going for walks in the park. Our nights were filled with NA meetings. She was known as the official recovery baby.

So by this time I was getting ready to celebrate 5 years clean..... WOW..... what a milestone that was for me. My sponsor who lived in Bucks county came to my celebration meeting to speak, and I can remember so vividly her words, and the feelings she put into her speaking, had she not already been my sponsor, I would have asked her on the spot. She spoke on a Sixth Step, and the reason she spoke on that was I was getting ready to start that step. The sixth step in a 12 step program is this "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character." Hmmmm!

To be continued........