How I Found Recovery! Part 7

I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 14 YEARS, 11 MONTHS, and 18 DAYS!

A TOTAL OF 5467 DAYS!

By this time, my family pretty much gave up on me because of my drug use, my Aunt Nancy was about the only one that would accept my calls. Both my mothers family and my fathers family wanted nothing to do with me until I got my shit together. I guess that's what you would call the tough love of dealing with an addict. At that point of my life I didn't give a shit about me or anyone else. I hung out with some of my high school friends, but only the ones who liked to do what I did. There was one friend in particular Joey, he was one of the first persons I ever used drugs with back in high school. We were very close friends during our high school years, he ended up marrying one of my girlfriends and they chose me to be the godmother of their first born. Not at that point in my life did it mean much because of the self-centered person I was and the only thing I cared about was drugs. Plus the fact that I had lived in Maryland for many years. When we hooked up again things were not going so great in his life, my girlfriend was doing heroin and she was way out of touch ( you see I wasn't a junkie like her because I didn't use any needles and I would never use heroin) she was out of touch with reality. So Joey and I had each other to share our heartaches. By this time they had more children and he was raising them with the help of his parents. I tried to help as much as I was capable to since I was the oldest child's godmother, it was my duty. During the course of the next several months we were oblivious to the world around us, the only thing we could do was get high for days and then crash for a few days. The money I had from selling my parents house was almost down to nil but it still didn't motivate me to get a job. Since I had lost almost everyone who cared about me or the people I cared about and not really having any contact with my brother or the rest of the family, I was on the road to self-distruct.

From February until May I continued to use more than ever. A friend of mine called me who still lived in Maryland and asked me to meet her at the Baltimore Harbor for Memorial Day weekend. I invited Joey to go along, it was a much needed vacation that we both truly deserved. When I met up with my friend Jill I could tell we had nothing in common anymore. She is this big successful lawyer and I'm a washed up nurse and school teacher. We didn't spend much time together throughout the weekend, I could sense that she was very uncomfortable being around Joey and I because of our drug use so we kind of went our separate ways.

The Sunday before memorial day I couldn't see two feet in front of me, if you asked me my name I wouldn't have been able to tell you. I was so sick almost to the point of death. As a matter of fact I looked like death. I don't remember much more from that day only that I wish that God would put me out of my misery and just let me die. The next morning which was Memorial Day when I finally had some of my senses back I knew at that point I was done, I knew that if I put another chemical in my body the end result was going to be death. I called my Aunt Nancy and asked her if she would come to the Harbor to get me that I was ready to stop using. She asked me if I could finally admit that I was a drug addict and even at this point I hesitated. She told me the only way she would come was if I went into a day program for substance abuse something she had checked out awhile back. I agreed. While I was waiting for her to pick me up, I tried to talk Joey into doing the same thing. I told him that if we continued doing what we were doing that we were going to end of dead, and if he couldn't do it for himself then he needed to do it for his children. He didn't want to hear any of what I had to say. I told him what my plans were and he looked at me like I had nine heads. I gave him a hug and we parted ways, it kind of scared me not knowing if I would ever see him again. I knew that if I didn't leave then that I wasn't going to leave at all.

I wasn't really sure about going to the program that my aunt had checked out but if I wanted any type of relationship with her I needed to follow through on what I said I would do. It took every ounce of my soul to walk into this day program. It turned out that I actually knew some of the other participants, people that I went to school with. Jerry was the guys name and he came up to me and said man I can't believe someone like you is here, you see to him because I came from a good family with mother and father married until the end, and an education and a good solid upbringing, he was somewhat shocked that I would end up where he was at. When he said that to me the first thing I wanted to do was run, but instead it really touched a part of my soul and right then and there something clicked inside me and I wanted to get well, even though I still wasn't sure that I was a drug addict but I wanted to stay to find out.

To be continued..............