How I Found Recovery! Part 8

I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 14 YEARS, 11 MONTHS, and 19 DAYS!
A TOTAL OF 5468 DAYS!

I went to this program 5 days a week for 8 hours a day. They handed me this paper to fill out, it was close to 50 questions. I didn't know it at the time, but if you answered yes to only 5 of the questions it meant that I had a problem with substance abuse. Well after filling out the whole questionnaire, I had answered yes to 42 questions. It kind of hit me smack dead in the face that I was definitely an addict. They kind of lead me by the hand and told you what needed to be done in order to stay clean. They said that recovery doesn't end in the day program that I needed to attend 90 meetings in 90 days. I thought that wasn't so bad, after 90 days I would be cured........Yeah right! My friend Jerry suggested that I go to Narcotics Anonymous (NA) with him and his girlfriend. He told me that he would pick me up and take me to my first meeting. The first meeting I attended was a speaker meeting. The dude that spoke was talking about the first step, I thought what a coincidence.The first step was admitting that we were powerless over our addiction and that our lives have become unmanageable. Hmmmmmmmmmm. The dude was a very powerful speaker and some of the things he talked about really hit home. That night when I went to bed I thought to myself that coming from a very strict Italian upbringing, that I was taught to let something or someone else control my life. I thought it can be difficult to acknowledge that I am powerless over my addiction because I already feel powerless in so many other areas of my life, I heard the dude say that getting clean was something I had to do for myself, I asked myself this question, why am I attending the day program, was I just doing it to please my aunt, or do I actually believe that I really have a problem. I did some soul searching and I knew that I had to take a deep look inside myself.

After 2 months I was discharged from the day program. I did however continue to go to a meeting everyday and realized that after 90 days I would not be cured. I also realized that there is no cure for a drug addiction that it is something that I'll have for the rest of my life. It is a disease but I could however put it at rest if I allowed myself to experience the joys of recovery.

One of the first suggestions I heard when I begin attending NA meetings is to get a sponsor. I wasn't sure what that meant and when I asked they simply told me it's one addict helping another. Someone who I can confide in, and someone I can share my feelings with if I'm uncomfortable sharing it in a meeting. I continued to search for that person in the area where I attended meetings, but I was having a hard time, there were only 5 other woman and at the time I was clean the longest. After sharing this at one of the meetings they suggested that I go about 20 minutes from home in Wilkes Barre, Pa where they had meetings sometimes 2 times a day and that had some woman in that area with some significant clean time. So I did just that, I began to go to the Wilkes Barre meetings everyday. I was in search of a sponsor, I listened to all the woman share their experience and finally I had decided who I wanted to ask. I was somewhat afraid that she would say no, but I finally got up the guts to ask her, and she said yes. Her name was Nancy. Nancy sponsored me for about a year. Through the course of the year there had been another woman who I also respected very much. Her name was Lisa, and we had so much in common and she helped me work through some feelings and I felt very comfortable telling her my inner most thoughts. I decided it was time for a new sponsor and Lisa was the one I wanted to ask. So after talking to Nancy about it and explained why I felt that I wanted Lisa, she understood where I was coming from. Lisa sponsored me for about 2 years, and because of things that were going on in her own personal life, she felt like she was doing an injustice to all her sponsee's, so she told us all that she could no longer sponsor anyone. So I was now in search of yet a new sponsor. By this time I had 3 years of recovery going to a meeting everyday in the 3 years because I was afraid not to go, I was afraid that if I didn't go to a meeting that I would use, and at this point I wasn't willing to take that chance. I finally found a sponsor that I had met at an NA convention named Sheri and she still is my sponsor today.

During the course of the years I had stayed clean, I attended many conventions and recovery camp outs. When I had just celebrated a year clean I went to a camp out and met a lot of different people from all over the place. I met this guy in particular who I thought was a arrogant asshole. One thing I learned over the course of the years in recovery was to have an opened mind. Well the arrogant asshole that I speak about became my best friend, and we pretty much did everything together and we were building a relationship that was like no other I had ever experienced. Okay so the arrogant asshole that I speak about is no other than Aniguy........

After talking to my sponsor about my feelings about this guy, she told me to follow my heart and I did just that. So after celebrating my second year clean, Aniguy and I decided that we would take our relationship a little bit further. You see I had a high school sweetheart named Mike and after I went away to school we kind of decided that long distance relationships just don't work. But at that point of my life I didn't want a relationship with anyone, I just wanted a relationship with my first love and that of course we all know as COCAINE.

To be continued...........