How I Found Recovery! Part 4

I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 14 YEARS, 11 MONTHS, and 15 DAYS!

A TOTAL OF 5464DAYS!

After the meeting with my counselor I thought to myself I need to let them hear what they wanted so at the next meeting I would prove to them that I was ready to go home. That night when I went to the meeting, I stood up and said "Hi my name is Lori and I'm an alcoholic" there really isn't much I have to say other than I'm here because I was court ordered, but that I'll be going home any day now. Everyone in the room was looking at me like right girly...... I thought to myself I never had a problem with alcohol why do I have to say I'm an alcoholic, however I continued to play the game they wanted me too. Every day I would ask my counselor when am I'm leaving and she would just say time will tell. Well this went on for another 30 days and when my counselor brought me into her office for yet another evaluation, she said to me, "I know your saying what we want to hear, however I know you don't believe what your saying". I thought "oh shit" now what..... they saw right through me. She proceeded to tell me about a girl she wanted me to meet and if it was okay with me. I thought to myself if it's going to get me out of here, I'm all for it. My counselor had set the meeting for the next day. I thought good, this girl is going to help me get the hell out of here.

I got up very early the next morning thinking to myself after I meet this chick, I'm gonna be so out of here. We met in the counselors office and we had a one on one. This chick had track marks over her whole body, ranging from her foot to her neck. All the time I was thinking I have nothing in common with her, I never used a needle. However as we began to talk she was kind of telling my story, how she had lost a friend, lost a parent and how going to school was really the only way she could function. Really the only thing different about us was our drug of choice. We talked for nearly 3 hours. After she left I thought to myself, okay maybe I have a little problem with drugs, but its nothing I couldn't control myself. After a few days I asked my counselor for a meeting, she said she had time to talk now. I went into her office and I was ready to admit that I do have a tiny problem but I really don't think being here is helping me in any way, so I was ready to go home and face society. She proceeded to tell me that she believed that I needed to stay a bit longer. I was beginning to think I would never get out of here.

Low and behold it was another 30 days before I was released from the rehab. As they were giving me a list of meetings that I should attend, because I was told to attend 90 meetings in 90 days, they also gave me my court release and told me that I needed to report to the probation office within 24 hours. I didn't remember anyone saying that I had to do that, but oh well, whatever it took to walk out the front door I was going to do.

It felt good to be home, and it felt good to have something to eat that had sugar and starches in it. I called my mom to tell her I was home, and we had a long chat about my recent mishaps. She told me she believed I wasn't a addict, she just thought that I had been through a lot with my fathers death and the loss of my friend. It's just what I needed to hear to confirm that I was right and that I didn't have a problem. I had a hard time sleeping that night, so I walk into my medicine cabinet to see if I had anything in there that would help me sleep, I didn't have any pills but I had a bottle of NyQuil, so I drank about 1/2 bottle of that and off to bed I went.

The next day I went to the probation office to see what it was I had to do to forgot that this had all happened. The probation officer that I met with told me that I had to report to him once a month for 6 months, I thought to myself no biggie. After 6 months I completed what I had to do and was released from their reins.

To be continued............