How I Found Recovery! Part 13

I HAVE BEEN CLEAN FOR 14 YEARS, 11 MONTHS, and 26 DAYS!
A TOTAL OF 5475 DAYS!

Driving home my contractions were 6 mins apart. My friend Bev was driving with us in case something happened on the way home she would be there for Kyra. Once we arrived back in Kingston, we dropped Bev and Kyra off at her house and I wanted to go home first. I needed to get a shower before we went to the hospital. I think at this point I was just trying to avoid the inevitable, my thoughts were that the pain would go away and all would be well. When we finally walked in the door, I told Tom to get a shower first, I called my doctor to let him know that we were back in town and I told him I would meet him at the hospital in Scranton. Once Tom was out of the shower and I got up from the couch I started to hemmorage, I saw the look on Tom's face and it was a look that I had never seen before. He immediately called the ambulance, and once they arrived I was still trying to tell them I was okay. Tom was going to follow the ambulance since we were 35 mins from the hospital. I can remember on the way to the hospital the paramedics calling the hospital and giving them my vitals, as a nurse I knew all to well that it wasn't good, my blood pressure had dropped to almost nothing. Once we arrived at the hospital they brought me right to labor and delivery and the first nurse that I see was my friend, the nurse I mentioned in one of my earlier posts when she was in the ICU. She had now been working in labor and delivery for about 3 years. My contractions were only 3 mins apart and I was dilated to almost 10 centimeters. The doctor told me they were going to do everything in their power to save my baby. Once I delivered my little girl they handed her right to me, she could fit in the palm of my hand. I counted her toes and fingers and thought and she looked just like Kyra. I looked at Tom and I could see tears running down his face, my girlfriend the nurse had tears in her eyes and the doctor had such a sad look on his face. My baby girl had died in my arms. It was just too much for me to bear handing over the baby to anyone. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought if I just hugged her and kissed her she would start breathing again. I could hear the doctor saying it's time to give us the baby...... I could also hear one of the nurses saying that I needed to name her. I named her after my grandmother Mary Elizabeth. Once they took the baby out of the room, they told me that they were going to move me to a private room. I said no that I wanted to go home, they all looked at me like I had 9 heads including my husband. But there was no way I was staying there, I wanted to go get Kyra and go home and curl up on my couch and hide from the world.

Before they would release me they said I needed to talk to a social worker and it seemed liked hours and hours before one came. Once the social worker came to talk to Tom and I, she told us that we needed to call a funeral home. Tom and I looked at each other and neither one of us could really speak we weren't sure why they were going to put us through all that. The social worker explained that even though the baby lived for only 7 mins she had life and in the state of Pennsylvania it is mandated that an undertaker come and pick up the body. Tom called one of the local funeral homes and they told him they would come down and pick the baby up and call us the next morning.

I don't remember much of the ride home I was pretty much in a daze and couldn't stop crying. When we picked Kyra up all I could do was hold her and cry some more. I could remember Kyra saying, "Mommy it's okay and I love you"

The next day I called our priest and asked him if it was okay to have the baby cremated. In the catholic religion that use to be a no no. The priest gave me dispensation to do what I felt I needed to do. When the undertaker arrived we told him what we wanted to do. He asked if I wanted the baby to be dressed. Of course I do, she was my baby girl. I picked out a little angel urn to be her final resting place.

To be continued............